


What's In A Name ?

by Book_of_Kells



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-26
Updated: 2014-04-26
Packaged: 2018-01-20 19:35:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1523054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Book_of_Kells/pseuds/Book_of_Kells
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How to insult and still have fun</p><p>Written based on a sansan prompt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What's In A Name ?

They had one rule when it came to this game. One rule only. It kept the hurt feelings and tears on Sansa’s part to a minimum as well as tramped down the gruff anger on Sandor’s. All the insults had to be in Elizabethan. Seriously, how can you stay mad at your significant other if they are calling you a dog hearted ratsbane.

It was Sam Tarly who had the idea after a run in with a particularly angry Sandor. Or love muffin as he was called that day. All day, by everyone who knew that he and Sansa were on the outs. So Sandor had looked up an Elizabethan insult generator for his phone, settling down for some afternoon fun.

Sandor: _Degenerate Beef-witted Strumpet_

Sansa: _Wth…_

Sandor: _You told Jon 2 call me Love Muffin ! So I call thee a Tongueless baggage._

The next one that generated said something about yeasty. Sandor knew better than to a woman yeasty if he ever wanted to get back in her oven!

Sansa: _I AM NOT TONGUELESS AS I DEMONSTRATED LAST NIGHT TO YOUR VERY LOUD ENJOYMENT !_

Sandor: _True…._

Round one to me, Sandor thought as he put away his phone. The rest of the day pasted quickly, with work requiring a mediocre level of involvement. The drive too was uneventful which should have been a big red flag. Walking into his house, he got nose smacked with the god awful dragon’s blood incense that Arya had bought them as a house warming gift. Sandor couldn’t stand to sniff the package much less have the rotten shit burning in his house !

On the mantel near the incense burner was a note.

                Having dinner with the ‘rents tonight. There is food in the fridge for you.

                Sam texted me this afternoon, you infectious tallow faced lout!

                Still love you though !

                Sansa

 

Maybe she is yeasty after all, Sandor thought as he opened the fridge to see a large well made salad with Caesar dressing in a bowl on the side. No meat in sight. Turning up his nose at the prospect of a vegetarian dinner, he grabbed the salad and dressing, tossing both up on the counter before getting a Guiness stout to take the edge off his annoyance.

Later that night, when Sansa returned home, Sandor was out of his bad mood and chasing her round the house to get at her pink thong. The whole time Sandor chased her around the house, they both agreed to never use anything outside of the ear. Then Sansa let him catch her.

 **************************

**The Next Day**

Sandor decided to have some real fun with Sansa as he pulled out his phone to text her.

Sandor: _Cream faced loon_

Sansa: _3 inch fool_

Sandor thought he would change things up a bit, just to mess with her.

Sandor: _Don’t talk about my penis, ye fat guts !_

Sansa: _Thou art the best of cut-throats but ur penis is mighty_

Sandor looked at his phone with a grin. When your woman says your cock is mighty, why argue. He let Sansa have that round because it was really too much fun.

 

Later that night when they were snuggling close on the couch laughing over the texts that they had sent, Sandor realized that he couldn’t be happier that they were getting along so well. Sansa had even started referring to the next door neighbor Randa as a wily stumpet. Sandor hated to admit it but he secretly agreed. The strumpet in question had a bad habit of showing up in the backyard with a wiggle and a smile.

******************************

**The Next Morning**

Sansa: _Thou art son & heir 2 a mongrel bitch._

Sandor: _That’s ur sister! Besides ur virginity breeds mites, much like a cheese._

Staring at his phone he considered that he might have gone too far. Liking her to a cheese might send him to the couch tonight with another meatless salad.

Sansa: _Now frothy codpiece, u know that no part of me has been a virgin since that weekend n Hilton Head._

Sandor grimaced with the reminder of that ill fated vacation. It had been the plane ride from hell on the way home.

Sandor: _I as recall, mewling quim, it was your idea._

Sansa: _It wasn’t my quim that was mewling :o)_

Sandor promised himself as he tucked his phone into his pocket, her quim would be mewling tonight!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading ! The idea puppies are off the leash and running wild in ASOIAF land ! I own none of it !


End file.
